you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
