I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
