i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
