Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
