last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
