So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
