Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
