whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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