Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
