I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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