I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
