if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
