I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
