I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
