And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize