hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
