I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
