I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
