That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
