Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
