And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize