O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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