that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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