I think my vagina is haunted
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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