If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
