I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
