anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
