Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
