Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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