too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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