Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
