the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
