maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize