You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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