youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
