I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
