Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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