Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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