things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
