dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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