Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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