I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's never too late to be topless.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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