I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
