I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
