i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
