I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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