why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
