Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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