I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
