like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize