I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
