What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
