It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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