I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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