Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
