Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
