Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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