im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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