I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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