At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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