I only kidnapped one of them. chill
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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